so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.