Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night