its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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