Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
