He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.