I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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