You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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