You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
