in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
