Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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