very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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