So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
