"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
