I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
