just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
