I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
