he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
