She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
