It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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