bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
