Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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