god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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