I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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