My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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