apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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