Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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