Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
