Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I stole a fireplace last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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