my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
