mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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