hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
