I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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