i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
