TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
