I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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