i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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