ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
