Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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