Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
