Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
