i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
