The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize