dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
