So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
