I got her a Nickelback box set.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
