One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
