we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize