She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
