I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
