Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
