I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize