I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
