Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
