areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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