He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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