shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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