I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
