I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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