Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
