Got a toothbrush?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
