So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
