she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
