I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
