Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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