so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
