I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
