My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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