I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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