We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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