I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
