Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
