There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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