I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
