He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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