Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could teleport
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When did angry sex become our thing?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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