i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
