My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She needs sedatives and a leash
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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