first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize