apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
