I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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