She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
