just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
