just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
