You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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