Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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